THREE | SHE DANCED
BREAKING DOWN THE RECORDING
“My face felt fuzzy and my arms and legs got heavy so like, I just laid there enjoying the high.” (Pg 41)
I wrote this to pave the way for Nate to be an unreliable narrator through the recording, and his account of what happened can be interpreted in a way that blends truth and lies, sort of like how we perceive things when we’re intoxicated ourselves.
“I could see the colors around the garage, vibrant and full of life, but the colors that radiated around her were grim–gray.” (Pg 41)
“That’s when I realized what–no… WHO she was. She was Death. The Grim Reaper. The devil. Temptation itself.” (Pg 41)
Nate’s unreliability is shown, as he’s picking up on something most wouldn’t.
“He [Josh] was in a trance, lured by her beauty and laugh… That laugh. It was a giggle, but one of those giggles that echoed and didn’t sound human to me. She wasn’t human. It was like she was sent there to-to… Deceive… To ruin… To destroy. To take Josh away from us.” (Pg 41)
I painted this scene in a twisted and dark, but romantic way, where Josh is literally being tempted by temptation itself. I wanted to personify temptation here, and show the power of temptation increase as Josh’s ability to function soberly decreases.
HOW JAY IS IMPACTED BY IT
“I brought the gun to the garage. Braden put the gun behind the amplifier with the drugs. I let Josh get too drunk. I let Josh leave my sight. Josh found the drugs and the gun. We killed Josh. WE KILLED JOSH.” (Pg 44)
The weight of the world lands on Jay as he stops the recording, and Jay tries to convince Webber that the girl was there. Webber goes through his notes and finds that everything points toward Josh and Nate being the only ones in the garage and Josh pulling the trigger himself--only his prints on the gun and bags.
“My stomach turned, and I suddenly felt sick. I felt terrible–as though everything that happened last night was being tattooed onto a massive portion of my body… To be forever a part of me.” (Pg 44)
“The death of our beloved brother has tainted the very essence of who I am. Irreversible. Eternal. Real. I felt the thought set in and make itself at home.” (Pg 45)
Jay feels the darkness set in.
“I knew in my heart that Josh didn’t take his own life. I knew that he was my responsibility, and I let his life slip between my fingers, whether the girl was actually there or not.” (Pg 45)
They don’t know and may never know if this girl was really there, or if Josh drunkenly just stumbled into the garage, did the drugs, and pulled the trigger for whatever reason. It’s open-ended as are most things that happen in a setting where everybody is drunk.
“It was at that exact moment, I realized my father was right. We ruined this family. We killed Josh. We ruined “us.” It was at that exact moment, I realized things would never be the same.” (Pg 46)
Through the diction and Jay’s stream of consciousness at the end of the chapter, we witness him taking the blame.